Retirement cards are more than just a goodbye, they’re a final flourish, a last hurrah, and a chance to make someone feel celebrated as they step into a brand new chapter. Whether you’re going for humour, heartfelt vibes, or a bit of both, getting it right matters. And while it’s tempting to crack a few jokes or recycle the usual clichés, there’s a fine line between clever and cringeworthy.
Before you grab your pen and accidentally write something that haunts the staffroom forever, here’s a breakdown of what not to write in a retirement card (unless you’re actively trying to get side-eyed at the send-off).
Age Jokes That Hit Too Hard
A classic, but also the easiest way to sound like a broken record. Everyone expects one joke about age, but going too far can make it feel less like a farewell and more like a roast.
- Congrats on escaping the workforce alive, you fossil.
- Hope your hip replacement loyalty card is fully stamped.
- You're not retired, you're just expired.
- Welcome to the era of forgetting what day it is… every day.
- You’ve clocked out for the last time, unless you count your 3am bathroom breaks.
Anything That Sounds Like a Death Announcement
Retirement is a celebration, not an obituary. Keep the tone upbeat and avoid dramatic lines that make it sound like their best days are behind them.
- Well, this is the end.
- Now you can sit around and wait for the inevitable.
- Guess it’s time to pick a plot (of land or in the cemetery?)
Wild Financial Assumptions
Not everyone is retiring to a villa in Spain. Making assumptions about wealth or how they’ll spend their retirement can come off tone-deaf.
- Enjoy that yacht life!
- Have fun burning through your massive pension.
- Bet you’ll be sipping margaritas every day now.
- Must be nice having a golden parachute and a golf membership.
Insults Masquerading as 'Banter'
Some people love a joke, but if you’re not sure they’ll find it funny, skip it. It’s a card, not a comedy roast.
- Shame you never figured out what you were doing.
- Can’t believe they let you stay this long!
- Finally, they realised you were replaceable.
Vague, Thoughtless Clichés
If your message sounds like it was copy-pasted from the back of a cereal box, it’s time for a rewrite. Retirement marks a massive milestone, and the card should feel like it was written just for them, not a generic Hallmark standby. Whether they were the office legend, the quiet hero, or the one always stealing pens, make sure your words reflect the actual person and their journey.
- Wishing you the best.
- Enjoy whatever comes next.
- Congrats on retirement!
Keep It You, Just Nicer
Now’s the moment to be warm, sincere, and a little bit you. The best retirement messages make someone feel seen, not sent off. Personalise your message, drop in a fond memory, and remind them they mattered. Because long after the cake’s been eaten, it’s your words that’ll stick with them.
Looking for a retirement card that strikes the perfect balance?
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